I laid two simple tarot spreads today: what to leave behind and what needs healing within myself.
The first one required me to shuffle my deck of cards until I felt complete; this included three shuffles for me today. Once the deck was shuffled, I was to locate the Death card and pull out the card directly behind and in front of it.
The card behind would signify what I need to “leave behind”, while the card in front would signify what I should focus on moving forward. Here’s what I was told:
The 8 of Cups was behind the Death card, which told me I should leave behind “good things in pursuit of higher ideals”. The first thought that crystallized was leaving my job at Cal Poly to pursue my writing.
The 6 of coins was in front of the Death card, importing me to “put positivity into the world in order to receive it back”. In essence, the pay-it-forward Karmology (my new word for Karma methodology :-). Again, I felt this was pointing me to write and share my words! I’ve increasingly grown restless in my life, and I believe it is a result of my deep desire to use my words to move people the way many of my favorite authors and poets do for me!
Now, this spread certainly got my attention and affirmed some of the thoughts I’ve refused to surface. However, the next spread literally blew my mind. Sitting on my bed analyzing my second spread, I gasped out loud and felt a surge of vindication!
My second spread also required me to shuffle the deck, but I felt satisfied with my first shuffle, so I went straight to finding the Sun card. The card on top of the Sun card would tell me what I need to heal within myself, and the card beneath the Sun card would show me where to begin the healing process. Here’s what blew my mind:
The first line of the 5 of Coins, which was the card on top of the Sun card and would determine what I need to heal within myself, said, “The Five of Coins represents financial hardship and feeling left in the cold”! This line resonated with me on such a deeply rooted level for two reasons:
- I am in the midst of a major financial crisis. I’m not going to go into it in this post, but suffice it to say, this line shook me to my core and instantly brought me to tears
- I have always, my whole life, struggled with the feeling of being on the outside, even within my own family. Again, this is for another post, but the feeling of being “out in the cold” chilled me.
To my initial displeasure, the card beneath the Sun card was The Lovers. Anyone that knows me would know, at least on a surface level, why this card would vex me so. I have been single since I was pregnant with my son, who is now 14. Well, with the exception of a three-month strained “relationship” with someone, another story for another post!
Anyhow, I have not had a man in my life in the past 15 years! I have raised my son on my own, which is why I have an entire blog category on being a solo mama. So, to see The Lovers card staring me in my face, while sitting on my bed in my bedroom, made me want to cheat and choose another card, because I am not ready to allow another man in my life.
As I kept reading, though, the card also reflects love (maybe self-love?), harmony, trust (in myself?), a leap of faith (now, we’re getting somewhere”, and choice. The leap of faith resonated with me because to pursue my deep desire to write would require a leap of faith, especially as a solo, working mama in the middle of a financial crisis!
Mind Blown!