As a solo mama, I serve as both mom and dad to my son. All things parenting – providing financially, running the household, driving, shopping, sports, maintaining the yard, dragging out the trash bins – fall on me. I don’t say this to complain, rather to give some insight into solo parenting.
As my son aged, I gave him more and more responsibilities, but after years of doing everything myself, it has been really difficult to yield these responsibilities. I’ve inconsistently held him accountable for the tasks I delegated to him, which resulted in a cycle of me just doing them, feeling overwhelmed and resentful, reaching a breaking point, at which I screamed and yelled at him about always having to do everything, coming back around to creating a plan for him to take some of the responsibilities off my plate, and starting the cycle all over again.
This was our dysfunctional dance…for years!
Now, he is 15, cresting on manhood, and I’m still fighting this internal fight. I’m not quite sure why I am ruminating on this topic, other than I need someone else to hear my cries, to see my pain, to feel my frustration. Most parents who, even if they are single parents, still have some level of support from the other parent, whether that be financial or the occasional custodial weekend.
As a solo parent, though, we have none of those supports in place. Until, we build those supports. Unfortunately, I fell into the “I should be able to do this on my own” martyrdom, so I didn’t build a support system, and both my son and I have suffered for this.
I suppose today’s post, which has been in my draft folder for three months, is a space for me to vent, to complain, to ugly cry; so, thank you for indulging me this space to be my least attractive version.