This is a follow up to my first Reclaiming my Faith post, because I’m going to make this a series. Reconnecting to my faith is a daily practice not a “one-and-done”, so to keep this muscle strong, I plan to work it out regularly.
It’s been a full week since my first post on reconnecting to my faith, and I just heard yesterday that my car repair will be covered under the extended warranty I purchased! I share this because it has been a huge obstacle on this journey back to my faith and, while I’ve actively worked on regulating my emotions and grounding myself, it very nearly made me ill.
I received the news while sitting outside a smoothie shop with my 96-year young neighbor. He told me to call the dealership up and find out what’s going on with my car; otherwise, he was going to go with me to “raise some hell”! 🙂 Fueled by his courage, I pulled my head out of the ground (thought I was going to say something else 😉 and phoned the dealership. Upon hearing the news, my body instantly relaxed, but once I got home from my excursion with our neighbor, my body shut down. I laid in bed for two hours – not able to sleep, but also not able to move.
Continuing the 6-day tapping challenge in The Tapping Solution app, here are my reflections from days 4-6:
Day 4: I am Joy
- Am I worthy of joy?
- I don’t think so!
- What exactly is joy?
- Joy is more than a feeling – it’s a state of being that evokes long-lasting happiness and contentment. It is great pleasure rooted in someone’s being.
- Why am I resistant to feeling joy?
- I think I’ve become so accustomed to and comfortable with stress and anxiety. Even though prolonged feelings of both are unhealthy, they are familiar.
- Reflecting on this tapping session, I realize my sense of joy has become buried under:
- Compounded stressors
- Layer upon layer of pain and betrayal
- As an empath, I feel guilty allowing myself to feel joy when there is so much pain and suffering in the world.
- I know I can’t fix all the ills of this world, but it is so difficult to remember that the joy I put out into the world is good enough, when I’m struggling to feel my own personal joy.
- My son and I recently talked about holding each other accountable for being more positive and experiencing more joy, so I had us write out what brings us joy. Here is my list:
- Spending time with my son and our dog
- Quiet time reading, writing, journaling
- Creating junk journals and collaging
- Gardening (though, I’ve struggled to be successful in this recently)
- Moon gazing
- Nature:
- Walking barefoot
- Lying in the grass and looking up
- Sunsets
- Sunrises (when I can drag myself out of bed early enough)
- Feeding my wild birds
- Preparing and drinking loose leaf teas
- I love the meditative state of preparing my tea
- And, that first sip!!!
Day 5: I am Love
This is the hardest emotion for me to work through! I felt very flat, closed off, almost numb, while doing this tapping meditation. When I was a child, someone that was supposed to love me hurt me very deeply, planting a seed of distrust; and this seed has been nurtured with each successive relationship.
I have immense love and empathy for animals and people, alike; but, I don’t have much left over for myself. Even though I say “I love you” to multiple people in my life, from friends to family members, I’m not sure I believe in the love they send back to me.
That’s all I have to say about this one…for now, anyway!
Day 6: I am Peace
Iyanla began this session with the analogy that the night stars shine brightest in the dark, which is one of my favorites!
As I moved through this session, I started to see peace and faith as sisters, both having similar DNA, but equally different and unique in their personality traits. I’m not quite sure where this idea will lead me, but I look forward to reflecting on it more deeply 🙂
How exhausting it has been to put peace on hold until everything is perfect! Similar to joy, I feel like I have to suppress my sense of peace every time a major stressor arises, which has been constant over the past 5+ years!
But, like a tree, if my roots grow deep, I can tap into peace through any storm. I might lose some leaves and branches may fall away, but, if I’m rooted in peace, I will be be standing come morning!
As Iyanla closed with, “Stay in Peace, not in Pieces!”
Doing this work, I seem to be drawing other people and resources toward me to continue this journey of healing. Most recently, I came upon a video titled, “What Being a Cycle Breaker Really Means”, which is synchronistic, because I recently had a conversation with my longest-known friend, whom I share much synchronicity with, about generational trauma and epigenetics. If you know anything about either of these phenomena, you’ll understand why this video showing up is synchronistic! But, this is a conversation for another time 🙂